The definition of a barrier is something that is blocking what you need or want to do. Understanding that life is more precious and rewarding than the barriers I saw, I realized I was able and capable to out-think my flaws that kept me in a perpetual state of being “stuck.” I recognized I had the know-how to win against a system that was designed to keep me, a Black man, from growing. Welcome to my true story and what I had to do to defeat the odds against me.
Growing Against the Odds
Being a native of Chicago, I was taught to defend myself. My childhood did not have proper guidance, except for the knowledge and understanding from the streets where I lived and built relationships with wolves, snakes, hyenas and every other animal that the jungle produced. Being a habitant of the trenches, I had to become immune to feelings. I had to become a predator against every other predator that was seeking pleasure from my vulnerabilities and weaknesses that I didn’t see.
Being city born, the streets overwhelmed me with so much wrong-doing that contributed to my separation from society. While not prepared for confinement, I had to learn to adapt to isolation, segregation, sleep deprivation and induced paranoia. I had to learn survival tactics of how to cohabitate with men who had no expiration date and whose hearts were hardened. I accepted the fact that I was alone on my journey in a dog-eat-dog world. As reflections stood with me many dark nights, I had to forcibly bow by bended knees against shame and embarrassment, and perform a prayer to a God I never knew but was raised to trust that he would never place more on my plate than I can bear. While under street duress, the concrete indented my footprints to walk on a pavement that was pre-stained with blood stains of fallen youngsters.
Knowing the potential I had to make it against a system that had swallowed most of my comrades by death, self-destruction and bars, I contemplated and strategized, with thirsty due diligence, to beat the pending odds that were stacked against me from the jump. I had to keep faith alive. I knew somewhere in the untold stigmas of Black men, that the only way up was to let go of my pride, stubbornness and other selfish thoughts that I used to justify the errors in my thinking.
Reaching out for help was not an option. It was frowned upon to be seen as weak or feeling defeated. Rejection was hard for me, based on what I was taught to believe and feel. Hope flattered my ego, because I knew if there was a will, there was a way. But what I felt in my ribs, was that despite every barrier that had stamped my path, that impeded my success, I knew somewhere in my heart, I was destined for fortune. What I knew without doubt was that God would place me in a peaceful, harmonious and tranquil environment, where it would allow me the opportunity to reflect on my past, but not use it as a scapegoat to remain subject to excuses, but as a parachute that would lift me out with comfort and safety.
I did not think that education would play a central part in my life or that it would be my focal point for wanting to do better, feel better and have a better opportunity in life than what I was accustomed to. The streets molded me in a form that was a blessing and a curse. It was a blessing due to how I survived barriers before me. Barriers that made me the man I am today. I was grateful for how I utilized every ounce of strength in me and on me to take on life’s challenges with a grain of salt. Also, using my failures as a reason to get up and raise my soul from its fallen humanity.
Incarceration instilled in me the knowledge and education to understand and know that life is all that you make it. We all have choices and create our own destiny. Some people learn this faster than others. My perseverance has made me into a warrior who fought challenges and oppressive conditions that judged my intelligence, my past mistakes, and where I came from. The truth is that my life story was written off of pain, barriers and obstacles that have helped me to thrive!
